you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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