very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
