don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
