Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
