booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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