Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
