I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
