So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
