when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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