good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
