Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
