Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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