girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
