It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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