she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
