i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My feet surprised me
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