Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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