Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
