oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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