Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
