These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
