I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
