I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
