my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
