Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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