Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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