No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
