i think my tv is drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
