she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
