Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
