im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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