I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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