theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
