My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
