Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
