There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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