I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
