PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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