i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
