I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
