i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
