you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
