U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
