In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
dude. I can hear the air.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
