You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
