You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
