she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We need a shit load of segways right now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
