it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
