3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
