Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
