but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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