So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I smell stomach acid.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
